work from anywhere, make friends everywhere

how to make friends anywhere in the world

I moved to Barcelona from New York City without knowing a soul. 

Despite my anxiety about meeting people, I found myself surrounded by friends faster than I could have ever dreamed. I'll never forget that first dinner party where I sat surrounded by women from every corner of the world. The dinner was a magical juxtaposition of accents, ages, and life experiences. I couldn’t believe my social life could feel so rich in such a short period of time.

How could I be sitting around a table with the sort of vibrant, interesting, and worldly women I so wished to become when I was a child? I felt at home despite never having been further from the place I grew up. This, I discovered, is one of the greatest joys of moving to a new country.

Remote work has made it possible for people to relocate to places they’ve always wanted to live but the fear of building a community can be daunting. After graduating college in Michigan, I've moved to New York, Spain, and most recently Scotland. Out of necessity, I’ve become well-versed in the art of making friends fast. 

Recently, several people have reached out to me seeking advice about how to navigate their own international moves. The most common question I receive is about how to make friends. In the process of sending long rambling WhatsApp voice notes with my experience, I realized there were actually clear steps I took to put myself in the way of making friends. 

While finding your people is magical, it doesn’t happen by magic. This is my playbook. At the risk of being overly-pedantic, I’m going to share the process step-by-step in hopes that it might be helpful to even one person. Take what works for you and leave the rest. 

6 Ways to Make Friends Anywhere:   

1. Before you move, do intentional research. First, I like to get a lay of the land. I look for coverage of the place I’m moving to in my favorite travel publications—Condé Nast Traveler,

   Yolo Intel
   , Travel + Leisure—to find good restaurants and hotels. I follow these places on Instagram and then go to their tagged photos. This is where I go CIA agent-style, looking at who has tagged the place and going to their profiles to see what other hotels, restaurants, and workout studios they’ve posted from. If someone looks nice and has a public profile, I’ll message them to see if they want to get a coffee! Not everyone will respond but some will, especially if your Instagram is public too and they don’t think you are a spammer. This is how I met the lovely LALA and Sophie!!

2. Sign up for an event right away. Look at what’s happening in the place you’re moving to and buy a ticket to attend. It’s better if you buy the ticket before you actually move because if you leave it up to your future self who will be exhausted from moving, they won’t want to go. The best events are ones that have some social element—a yoga workshop or lampshade-making class is better than going to a concert for example. I normally find these on Instagram— communities like Muses of Now, & the Table, and Create Dinners have been amazing places to make friends around the world. Choose an event that you think will attract people you’d like to be around, even if it takes more effort. In my case, I took the train into London from Edinburgh when I first moved to go to authors’ book signings because I really wanted to meet other writers. Even though it wasn’t directly building my network in Edinburgh, I found that several people I met actually knew people there. 

3. Find workout studios or run clubs. These are your greatest resource and every town has them, no matter how small. I promise. Commit to going to a workout class or run every day if you can for the first two weeks. Arrive early to the class so there’s the opportunity to actually talk to people. Yes, this means you will have to make small talk (painful, I know, but essential). You don’t need to have full-blown conversations, but smiling and asking one person “Do you come here often?” opens the door to more meaningful connection. You can do it!!! 

4. Get out of the house every day. This is the hardest part. But it is essential that you are in the world. Make it a ritual to go somewhere every day, even if it’s just to get a coffee to-go. Some of my favorite places to visit are interior design stores, antique shops, and bookstores. That’s not to say that you can’t make friends anywhere. I’ve also met people in AA meetings, at church, and in various lines. The most important thing is to go places where you can interact with other people and that your body language signals that you’re open for connection. That means not having headphones in, not looking at your phone, making eye contact, and smiling. It can feel forced at first, but it’s extremely effective.  

5. Make specifics asks for people to make introductions. I made posts on social media (a tweet, Instagram story, and even a LinkedIn post) to say that I was looking to be introduced to people who live in Edinburgh. This was moderately effective. I find the most impactful way to ask for introductions is to reach out to people individually. For example, I went through my phone and social media feeds to look for people who lived in London, went to school in Edinburgh, or had some connection to the UK. I texted them each to ask if they had anyone they could introduce to me. Keep a list of these potential connections and follow up with them once you actually move there. Don't be afraid to be persistent. 

6. Don’t get deterred. Be patient. Make friends one at a time and eventually, once you know enough people to fill a table—even if it’s two people—invite them over for dinner. If you’re feeling especially bold, ask them to bring a friend. Friendship begets friendship. 

It’s worth pointing out that this can take time. It could take a few months to really find your people. That doesn’t mean you should wallow in isolation until then. You can use virtual communities to feel less alone in the short-term. I'm part of a virtual writing group in New York that meets bi-monthly and a global interior design community called Spoak where I chat with people who care about the same things I do. It helps me feel less alone for sure, but it of course doesn't replace friends to be in the world with. 

The people that you meet early on might not be your soul friends but they don’t have to be. There is something important about having a friend to grab lunch with, even if you don’t bare your innermost childhood secrets to them. All types of friendship are important. 

It’s also important to remember that the more time you spend with people, the more you tend to like them. So if it's not instant friendship fireworks, don't be deterred. If you like them, but you’re not completely sure, try to meet them three or four times before making a decision. 

To be clear, I’m not saying lower your standards. I strongly believe that it’s better to be alone than with the wrong people, a lesson I learned in college when I was devastatingly lonely despite being surrounded by people. Notice how your body feels when you meet someone new. If it’s sending you a clear message, listen. 

This is all to say, making friends is hard. 

The Surgeon General recently came out with another warning about the crisis of loneliness and brilliant minds Randa and Harry of

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explored the efficacy of the venture-backed companies trying to fix it (a la friendship-as-a-service). As Randa and Harry also conclude, I strongly believe there’s no pretty shortcut to making friends. It takes effort, requires vulnerability, and necessitates that you are willing to endure the awkward beginnings of new friendship. 

What has helped me keep going is to believe that my friends are out there waiting for me to meet them. It’s a choice to view friendship as inevitable. This conviction is what motivates me to get out into the world instead of wallowing at home. It has put me in the right places to meet the people I needed to. 

Whether you’re moving to a new country or feeling lonely in your hometown, I hope something in here helps you unlock your next move. Connection is a human right and we all deserve to feel like we belong. To that, I believe friendship is alchemy. It has the power to transport us home, no matter where in the world we are.